Sea of Broken Glass
by Split Persona
Summary: Depression and guilt can be a sea that swallows a person whole, keeping them beneath the surface. Can the hope and love of one pull another to safety? YAOIShounen Ai, Songfic


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A/N: Hey! Me and Kitty wrote another fic!

Catherine: We had to write a story to this song Jennifer wrote. Once again, we've used an original. Guess that will just be something we do.

JC: The pairing isn't traditional, but we like it. Two of our favorites guys together.

Catherine: If you've looked at our bio page lately you'll know what it is.

JC: Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: Don't own Troopers. Jennifer owns song.

Warning: Suicidal thoughts, angst, and different pairing. YAOI/Shounen Ai. We don't care if you flame, we're too tired to fight you today. Don't expect the same treatment again though. 

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Sea of Broken Glass

BY JC and Kitty

(Song by Jennifer)

He listened to the sounds of the sea outside his window and could feel the resurfacing of his depression and pain. _Why did I listen to them?_ He berated himself. _Why did I let the ruin the greatest thing in my life?_ He looked out the window and stared at the cliff that led to the ocean, something to remind him of his mistake. _How could I leave him?_

Inside he felt tired empty, as if nothing else truly mattered anymore. He'd lost all sense of feeling the day he agreed to follow his parent's orders to send him away. It was as if someone had cut into his heart repeatedly, destroying all that he the love and faith he had left.

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Faith, he had to hold his chest as the pain came back. It was all his soul could feel now, the pain of what he'd given up. He knew it would never be fully gone unless he could regain all that had been taken from him. _I lost you the day I loved you,_ he thought. _I knew they would ruin this. No, _**I**_ ruined this by allowing them to control me as they always have._

****

My skin is bleeding 

In a sea of broken glass

But it can't compare to

The cuts into my heart

The waves roll upon me

And over just the same

It doesn't truly matter

That they're tearing me apart 

He sighed to himself as he entered the bathroom to prepare for bed. His eyes fell upon the mirror that hung over the sink. He couldn't even recognize the person that he saw. Golden hair was now dingy and unkept, lavender/blue eyes were dull and sunken into their sockets from lack of eating, forever to remain the red that had come from crying hours on end. He hadn't even lifted a sword in the entire year that he'd been trapped alone in the house by the ocean, his body now too weak to hold his no-datchi.

The depression had set in immediately and the guilt had come as soon as he'd stepped into the car that had taken him from his true love. They had chosen the area as a way of torment and punishment, to force him into submission for what they desired. Didn't they realize how much he had lost to them, what their biasness and prejudice had done to his soul. They did not even care that his heart had been lost to him.

To him it felt as if he was trapped beneath the sea itself. The water crashing upon him, pulling him under, reminding him of his stupidity and foolish loyalty. He should have been loyal to HIM instead of those who had never truly accepted him. But instead of water in his sea of despair, it was nothing but shards of glass, cutting him, driving into him all that he should have done instead of give in.

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I deserve this pain, he continually told himself. _I deserve everything that causes me pain for I know he feels much worse._ He knew that his lover was broken the day that he left, no matter the look of understanding in his eyes. Why had he given in? Why had he let them use his vows to his family against him? _I am so weak._

No one had come to see him in over three months, leaving him in his own world of silence and solitude. They knew he would never leave, what did he have to go back to? Surely his lover had found someone else to love him and care for him like he never could. Who wouldn't want to love his gentle, peaceful, lover with his long auburn hair and innocent sea green eyes?

Oh yes, the sea. The thing that reminded him of his lover most of all, pressed upon him to leave and beg for forgiveness on his hands and knees. He'd almost done so on more than one occasion, but then the words of his family would return. They would tell him that he was a disgrace and that he had to honor the vows he'd made to his family.

Why did they refuse him happiness? Strangely enough, it had been his father that had sided with him and his lover the day he'd been forced into his solitary confinement. But his mother and grandfather had even bullied the strong kendoist into submission. Not even his little sister Satsuki, with her strong will and open-mindedness stood a chance when grandfather and mother made such a decision.

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Why did I give in? he asked once again. He knew he had others to stand by him, that wouldn't turn away, but his family did mean quite a bit to him. Their opinion had always meant the most to him as a child and in a way it always would. But now he wondered if they cared how much his heart had lost in their callousness. All they wanted was an heir for their line, no matter whether if he ended up happy or not.

It made him wonder if it was worth all his pain for them. Should he even try to go on. many times he taken steps to end his existence, but was too much of a coward to go through with it. For that was all that he was actually doing, existing. There was no life, love, happiness, or even friendship in his being anymore. _Would HE be there if I did return?_ He asked himself. _Have they all even thought of me, or am I left in the back of their minds?_

****

Can I swim to shore?

Is the battle worth it?

Will you be waiting for me?

Or am I still forgotten?

" Come on! I won't give up on him!" the auburn-haired man shouted. " I know he's coming back to me!"

" You have to face the facts Shin," the blue-haired man sighed. " I know that he probably wants to, but you know that his family isn't gonna let him."

" But you can't truly believe that they'd be so heartless as to do this to us," the other went on. " I know he loves me, but I fear that our love isn't going to save him."

" What does that mean?" Touma questioned.

" Can't you feel it?" he asked. " The link is withering." He sat down on the couch next to his friend and took in a deep breath. " I fear this is killing him, Touma. You didn't see the look in his eyes the day they took him away. He was broken."

" Oh Shin," the archer pulled the other to him in a reassuring hug. " If you feel that he will come back, then don't lose your faith so easily. If you don't have faith than the rest of us are doomed."

The brunette didn't want to admit how much he hurt inside, the pain of the last year piling, almost eating him alive. He almost felt as if he was trapped beneath the surface of the sea he so loved, unable to breathe or even see. Everything was just happening too slowly for him to do anything. He wanted to find his lover, bring him home and never let him go again. But he knew there would always be those who couldn't let them rest, wouldn't let the wounds inflicted heal.

**__**

The waves crash down on me

But I can't reach the surface

Too many things 

Have come to pass

How can they let a broken soul be

Where there's no reassurance?

I will wait for you

In a sea of broken glass

He was torn from his musings by the ringing of the phone. " I'll get it," he stated as he stood and quickly wiped the ever-present wetness from his eyes. He answered it upon its third ring and forced to reset his peasant cheery mask. Touma wanted to cry at the emotional destruction his friend was in.

" Mouri Shin residence?" he heard him ask politely into the phone. He couldn't hear the other person on the line, but the result of their words was clear.

" NANI?!!" Shin shouted into the phone, an expression of hope and disbelief on his features. " Are you sure? Gods, please let this be true!"

" What is it? What happened?" Touma asked with concern in his voice.

Shin ignored his questions and continued to talk to the person on the phone, " Give me the address. I'll check it out immediately!" Touma couldn't miss the happiness peaking back into his words. He lifted a pad of paper and a pen from the desk where the phone sat and wrote quickly.

" Yes, I've got all of it," he began nodding with his words. " No don't. I'll do it. I'll call you as soon as I come back." He hung up the phone and began to jump up and down in excitement.

" What's going on?" Touma asked, not having seen Shin so happy in a year.

The auburn-haired boy only stopped jumping and rushed to his closet grabbing his shoes and coat. He then ran back to the living room to put them on. Touma took this opening to grab his friend by the shoulders and shake him. " What's going on?!" He could see the tears of happiness sparkling in the other's eyes and the hope that practically radiated off of him.

" I can't tell you," his stated soberly. " But it's a very good thing."

" Why?" Touma was shocked as he pulled away from Shin. " This better be something concerning a certain blonde if it's so good you can't tell me." He gave a small pout and he sat in he chair across from him.

Shin chuckled, the closest he gotten to a laugh in almost twelve months. He finished putting on his shoes and grabbed his coat from next to him. Making the keys were in his pocket, he walked to his front door and smiled, gave a hopeful look to the blue-haired man. " I just hope this isn't a joke," he prayed as he walked out, one thing set in his mind.

**__**

Too many years did I believe

That I was only meant to please

That my soul held no bearing in society

Where you worth my desecration?

There was no admiration

When you broke me down into a variety

The radio was playing in the background, the song one that brought of his love. It was his lover's favorite one and they'd danced to it many times before. It made the guilt he felt even more unbearable. _Why did I allow them to control me again?_ He asked himself once again. He didn't think it odd to ask the same thing over, he'd been doing it for twelve months.

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I spent so many years trying to please them, thinking that was all I was good for, he continued to swim in is own self-hatred. _I gave up the one person that showed me I could be my own person, not live for everyone else._ The song's tune grew louder and he could no longer take its continuous reminder. He grabbed the radio and ripped it from the socket, throwing it across the room into the window. He watched as the glass shattered and flew about the window frame, falling on both sides of the barrier.

He walked towards the broken pane and stared at the shards still lodged within the wooden frame. They all seemed so sharp and deadly from their jagged positions. He reached out to touch one and the sleeve of his now to large nightclothes fell to reveal dark red scars traveling down his wrist. At the sight of them he immediately pulled back and stepped away from the window.

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I can't do it, he seemed upset about it. _I could never do it before and I still can't._ He then turned around and exited the room.

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You see what they've done to you?a small voice in his mind laughed. **They corrupted you, turned you into a weak dog.**

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You're right, he wouldn't fight against the voice that he knew was true. He was nothing more that a weak, tamed animal, ready to follow orders but unable to do anything for himself.

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You're a disgrace, no wonder no one ever comes to see you. They want to forget what a disappointment you are.

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But what about…

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Shin? He's probably forgotten you as well, found someone who truly cares for him and won't run off the first time his family commands it.

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I have to obey my family, he countered. _I made a vow…_

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Was that vow worth your heart? Worth the pain HE felt?

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I…No, it wasn't.

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NOW you realize that! You pathetic excuse of a person. It took you a year to see that. By now Shin's moved on, found someone else, and you'll be stuck here because you wanted to hold to a stupid vow! How can you live with yourself?

He stopped when the voice came to those words. How could he live with himself? He had lost everything that meant anything to him, his pride, dignity, love, and even his will to fight. He had nothing left, he was just too tired of all the fighting and deceit he'd let himself fall into. The days he had continued to tell himself that he was doing the right thing, that Shin would be happier without him. He didn't want to fight any more.

Why was his family so afraid to let him love? Why couldn't they accept the life he had chosen for himself and wish him luck? Why wouldn't they let him leave his prison? Why wouldn't he let _himself_ leave? 

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Because you still feel that you have to do what they say, what they want, the voice pointed out.

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Yes, I do, he agreed reluctantly. _But Shin's moved on, he's found a better life. What is there left for me?_

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Nothing.

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Nothing, he echoed.

**__**

Can I swim to shore?

Is the battle worth it?

Will you be waiting for me?

Or am I still forgotten?

I'm tired of the fighting

I'm tired of the lying

Why won't they let you come to me?

They fear our love's conviction and purity

He could hear the sounds of the tide and the waves crashing upon the cliff just a football field away from his home. _Shin loves listening to the waves on the shore of the lake,_ he thought.

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How befitting for your situation, his inner voice taunted.

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Leave me be, he begged. _I don't need your help in feeling like this is all for nothing._

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But you admit you have nothing left for you in this world. So why stay in it?

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Because I can't find enough courage to even kill myself.

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Maybe you just need the right inspiration. 

The words sounded so devious and yet he found himself listening to them. That's when he turned around and stared out the nearest window at the cliff he could see vaguely clear enough. It looked as if land stopped right their and the world continued on for miles, ready to claim any who would fall from its edge. _Fall from its edge,_ rang in the man's mind.

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That's it, he decided as he backed away towards the door of the house. He knew what he had to do. Just as he reached for the knob the phone rang. Lavender/blue eyes were full of disbelief. No one called him, no one tried to talk to him save his mother and grandfather. He doubted anyone else even knew where he was.

The answering could be heard with its echoing beep and a voice he thought he'd never hear again came to life. **_" Seiji, are you there? It's Satsuki, Nii-chan please answer the phone."_ **He could hear the urgency in his her and almost hurried back to the other to answer it. Just to hear another voice.

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Don't she's sided with you mother and grandfather finally. They want to keep you lock away here.

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" Please pick up Seiji, it's important!"

Too remind you that your life is ruined and that they don't care.

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" I know you upset, but please."

How could she know how you feel? Was she taken away from her lover and trapped in solitude for a year? Was everything she cherished stripped from her? She knows nothing.

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" Nii-chan, ple-" the line died and he quickly opened the door rushing out of it into the night air.

**__**

The waves crash down on me

But I cannot reach the surface

How can they let a broken soul be

In this world with no reassurance?

Shin drove down the road like a madman. His heart was racing in his chest and he felt as if it would burst from his body if he slowed down. _Please let him be all right, _he prayed. _Please let him be there. _He could see the silent, solitary home coming closer in the distance and his felt the strain on the link he felt with his lover heighten.

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Something is wrong, he could sense the pain in the air. With a quick turn of the steering wheel he pulled into the driveway of the home. The tires swerved and the car jostled about slightly until he came to a complete stop. The home he sat in front of was a one story American modeled home with gray and black paint that looked in need of a touch up. But he didn't care as he felt the pull from its direction.

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He's here! He felt his hopes rise to the point of mountains as he threw open his car door and jumped out. But when he turned to look at the home he realized that the front door was open. " Seiji?" fear crept up on him and he walked slowly to the house. He stepped onto the porch and into the home, unsure of what he would find.

Inside he found no one in the living room or kitchen. " Seiji!" he called out continuously but received no reply. He finally entered what he thought to be the main bedroom and gasped at the sight of the broken window. His eyes widened when they set themselves on the cliff that lay behind the home, more accurately on the _person_ standing on the cliff.

" Oh Gods," he heart almost stopped as he ran from the room, hoping he wouldn't be too late.

**__**

The waves crash down on me

But I can't reach the surface

Too many things

Have come to pass…

He stared over into the horizon, taking in the salty air that rose from the water below. Part of him wondered if he could actually go through with it. The other wondered why they hadn't done it yet.

****

Do it and you will finally be free, never have to bear the pain again. Your family won' control you anymore.

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But what about the others, my friends?

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They've forgotten you. They wouldn't care. If they did they would have found you by now.

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But I left willingly.

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They could have forced you to stay.

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They would never force me to do anything.

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Even if it was for your own good? What kind of friend is that?

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They care, we've been through…

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More of a reason to forget. Think of all those things you've had to endure. Who would want to remember any of it. They want to forget you to help them forget about it.

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They want to forget me, he was beginning to believe the voice's words. _I'm just a reminder of the pain._

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That's right, nothing but pain. Now is the time to end your own. Just jump, you can't turn back from this!

Closing his eyes, he stepped closer to the edge and extended his arm to either side of him. He was about to give himself over to the raging torrents when he heard the terrified yell of a voice he thought could only be in his mind.

" SEIJI!"

He didn't even think about it as he turned instantly to face his audience. His eyes met sea green just as he felt his foot slip on shifting rocks. Shock and disbelief were with him as he saw the ground become level with his face and rise, the air swirling beneath his descending body. That last he heard was his name being screamed out once again by his lover.

**__**

How can they let a broken soul be

Trapped in a world with no reassurance?

I will wait for you…

He connected with the waves and pain seared through every nerve in his body. He felt as if he was burning and freezing at the same time and couldn't collect his thoughts. He opened his mouth in an attempt to scream but it was filled instantly with the freezing liquid that was surrounding him, drowning him. he tried to move his legs, to swim to the surface, but he couldn't gather enough strength. He could only watch as the surface drifted farther and farther away from his grasp.

He was aware of another figure entering the water nearby and shooting towards him with graceful speed. His eyes were to clouded to realize who it was that was so close by. But then he saw what looked to be a hand reaching out towards him, offering escape and safety. For some reason he forced his hand to try to touch, to take the hand.

That's when he felt the metal covered hand take his own and grasp tightly. It that one act he was flooded with fear, love, hope, and many other emotions he couldn't describe. They made him feel safe, no longer needing to fear what his future would bring or if he even had one. The warmth that assured this seem to soothe him, sending him into a peaceful oblivion.

**__**

The waves crash down on me

Your hand extends from the surface

I take your hold and 

I feel the safety and reassurance

All things have come to pass…

Shin held reached the cliff once again and held tightly onto his precious cargo. He couldn't believe that the man he held was the lover that he'd lost the year before. He looked only to be a fading shell. His skin was pale and clay like, lines beneath his eyes, and so feather-light that he weighed nothing more than he did as a teen. The only thing that reminded him of his Seiji was the peaceful expression he now wore.

" What has happened to you my love," he pushed soaked locks of dimmed gold from the other's face. Suddenly, he felt the body he held move and cough, releasing large quantities of the water he'd inhaled,

" Seiji!" the auburn-haired boy lifted him up so that he could let out the liquid easier. " Oh Gods, you're all right!" Slowly, eyelids fluttered and finally opened, revealing lavender/blue eyes that were near death.

" Sh-shin?" the blonde whispered in confusion. It was a dream too good to be true. His lover was there with him, holding him, rescuing him from his nightmare.

" Are you all right?" he asked, worry in his tone. " Do you need to see a doctor?"

" Are you real?" Seiji questioned. " You're not supposed to be here."

" Satsuki told me you were here," he answered. " I wanted to come get you." He lifted a hand to caress the his lover's cheek and smiled at the way he closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. " Oh Seiji, I was so afraid that I'd never find you!"

" I thought you'd forgotten," he heard the blonde admit in a small whisper. " I thought you'd want to forget me after I abandoned you."

" I understood what you're family's opinion meant to you," he assured him. " I never wanted to forget you. Oh koi, I love you so much. I never want you to ever try something like that again!"

" Shin," Seiji couldn't hide the tears that were filling his eyes, spilling over onto his cheeks. " Gomen nasai! I should have never listened to them. I should have known they would never learn to accept me, us." He wrapped his arms around his lover's waist and held him close, too afraid that it might truly be just a dream.

" Shhh," the other murmured into his ear and he held him close. " It's all right Seiji, I'm here now. I'm not going to leave you and I won't let anyone bully you into leaving me again. I need you too much."

" I'm sorry, I'm sorry," the blonde continued to repeat over and over in a small voice. It wasn't a dream, Shin hadn't forgotten him. Shin loved him and accepted him back into his life. He had something worth living for again.

" Oh Seiji," Shin cradled the younger boy to him, rocking back and forth in a motherly fashion. He knew that everything was just as it should be right then. They were together and no one was going to force them to part again. As the two continued to hold each other close, neither realized that sea beneath the cliff had finally calmed and flowed peacefully.

**__**

All things have come to pass

In the sea of broken glass

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A/N: How's that? Hope ya liked it. Another fic by yours truly and Kitty.

Catherine: What did ya think of the song? I thought it went okay with the story. We really based one off the other.

JC: Please review and tell us what you think. Oh and if ya don't like the pairing, bite me.

Catherine: Who knows, maybe we'll write a prequel and a sequel later. ^_^


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